PITTSBURGH -- Mega-HMO of Pennsylvania pleaded guilty today to accidentally providing healthcare to one of its members.

The HMO, one of the largest in the known galaxy, admitted it had quickly approved treatment of an unidentified 58-year-old man who had suffered an unknown medical emergency that required undisclosed immediate treatment.

"We're sorry," said Mega-HMO President Arnold Ziffle. "It was an oversight. We realize a slip-up like this instills a false sense of hope in our clients."

As the Democrats and Republicans in Congress battled for right to see how much money they could stuff into the pockets of the HMO's, the event had a sobering effect on all but Ted Kennedy who, as it turns out, still has enough alcohol in his bloodstream to be legally drunk until the year 2036.

"Of course we're worried," said Senator Thurston Howell, "because this strays from the medical model that the American people have a right to accept from an HMO."

The concerns in Congress center around the fear that the health industry might slip back toward outdated economic models which include house calls, doctors knowing patients by their name, the ability for insurance companies to cover treatment by any doctor at any time and suckers for children (and adults) who were brave.

"Those times are gone," Howell said. "When I was a child, we got little toys on each visit, not just stickers on a roll that say, "I love my HMO."

Howell's committee had drawn up specific guidelines for HMO treatment and these include:

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